I'm not sure where to begin my story and how to start off this chapter of loves lost.
As I'm writing this, it's a late Friday afternoon and I have nothing else to do but sleep in from the intense heat or try
and write my long-delayed and continuing autobiography.
As I recall the moments that lead up to now. I think to myself where did I go wrong in my life. 
Many think my life is happy, fruitful even to some, successful. I sometimes arrogantly boast, no frequently boast of my
happiness through the social network. I think to myself that the highlights are worth noting but really I am filled with
internal sadness that I try to suppress as long as I had companions and friends around me. That said let me tell you the tale of my really dreary love life.
A long time ago, I was once of the psuedo-private school environment of what is Manoa Elementary. The valley was a community of arisotcratic east asian's and white folks. I came from the backwater of the people there, my father was a zookeeper and my mother was a cashier at Paradise Park (the private zoo owned by Wong Corporation, used in the filming of Jurassic Park, Lost, and Hawaii Five-O). It was a popular tourist spot in the 80s and 90s, far surpassing its neighbor, Lyon Arboretum. My parents were nothing but Filipino exiles from the Marcos totalitarian regime with not much to start up with as they fled to Hawaii.
At Manoa Elementary for the few years I've spent in Preschool and Kindergarten, I met the most wonderful girl in the world, Verna Apinopphaibul. Her family was almost as scarred as mine, being Thai and exiles of her own country during the fighting against the red scourge in Southeast Asia. We shared those things in common and her parents and my own, warmed up to each other and became great friends. Verna and I would work on so many projects together, impressing our teachers, and playing the role of the couple in many a school play. When she was bullied by David Ozayaki, a Filipino-Japanese fat kid who would steal from all of us whether it was money or food or toys. I think that's where I stem my hatred for the halfblood and mudbloods in my life. Thinking all of them would be as worse as him, if not even moreso. That's where I started getting into trouble, no matter how many times we've tried telling the teacher. No one would ever listen, from there I became a troublemaker and put these things into my own two hand's. One awfully rainy day, David struck Verna for tattling on him again. There and then I struck him back with ten times the force and made his nose and two front teeth bleed, I grabbed him by the hairs on his stout head and then gave him a good shove into a large pool of mud in the indoor garden annex. Almost every other day since it became a large turnout to see me and him fight and I emerge victorious as always, and everytime I would be sent to the Principal's office for a scolding. Given it another month or so before my parent's were finally called to sort out this mess between me and him. It never worked out. The end of the school year was quickly approaching, Verna and I spent most of our days in the school's garden or holding hands on top of the school hill looking up at the clouds on our backs. My mother was with child, my brother Russell. My dad decided on moving because Manoa was never the place for us, it was too desolate, not many friends, mosquitoes, there were jobs opening up in the newly colonized west side, and Kevin was getting into a lot of trouble. This wasn't the proper environment for any Filipino. I didn't know at the time that we would move so far away to Ewa Beach in the west, far from Verna. 
Summer came quickly and at the last few weeks of school, I've finally kissed her and we continued kissing till the very end. Blushing slightly for the both of us, I remembered those last weeks well. Those were good times and maybe the happiest, we would eat breakfast together and sleep together during nap time under the same blanket or whisper sweet things. It must have been the cutest thing to see as the teacher wrote in an old school box with all of the teacher's comments and works, I've recently found tucked away- Verna and Kevin are so cute together. I sincerely wish they would remain together in the future. Reading that felt like "humanity has been restored" by the innocence of two Asian kids.
It was 2002 and we finally moved out of Manoa, I asked my dad to pass by Verna's place to give her one last gift, a friendship necklace, made with the help of my mom. It was really colorful beads with little quartz stones that my dad found while working at Paradise Park. She was waiting at her small, quaint plantation-like home surrounded in the greenery that is Manoa. I could tell she was quite sad, her little cheeks red and swollen like she's been crying. I hugged her and said I'll see you soon, holding back my own tears, I wrapped my arms around her with a hug and put the necklace on. I made this for you and she took it and said I love it. It was bittersweet, I thought I would see her again soon, but it wasn't for a long, long time. We drove westbound on Old Manoa Road with her house in the back of us, I waved out the car window and she waved back from the front of her house. 
Four years later, the ending of my time at Ewa Beach Elementary School. I was representing as Captain of my squad in the JPO Competition. Hearing Manoa Elementary in the line-up across from us, I can immediately tell who their captain was. A taller beauty with now long, flowing black hair and a blush to her face so familiar from long ago. She looked more fairer in complexion as I grew a bit browner. We were rivals on the field, but how I wanted to hint I was here with her. For most of the afternoon, we were practicing and competing in the drill competitions and finally during the tug of war tournament, I faced off Manoa. Both captains at the front, I saluted her as she did to me, and we were talking very bad-mouthed of each other, we never properly introduced and I don't know how it might be after all these years. We won the tug of war and she shook my hand, I stared at her for a long while and saw the necklace, my necklace still there with her. I must have scared her off, maybe she thought I was looking at her chest or something. It was awkward, but after all these years, she kept it. That relieved my thoughts and I swore I'll see her again, maybe next time I might find myself talking to her. 
Five years would go by till I saw her again, but I never put her away in my mind. This time she looked more elegant than last with a name tag in a bold font "Verna A", sadly of mere luck I had a name tag that said "George L" because I wanted a really Mexican name for when I win the WorldQuest Competition. This was a PAAC event at the Manoa Grand Ballroom and she was in the Mid-Pac Team, again we became rivals and luck has it I was sitting behind her. Before the competition, we introduced each other by first name status. She still had the necklace along with various other necklaces. She has no idea who I am with the subtle hint of my first name. I grabbed her and my team some coffee and bagels in the refreshment cart and we talked about the competition, our schools, and how much practice we've done for it. Given a good 15 minutes, we really warmed up to each other like the nice guy I am and the competition would start soon. I started on why I named myself George Lopez on my nametag and then I revealed to her we met a few times before at the JPO Competition awhile back, she vaguely remembered and I mentioned I met her before that, I asked her about the necklace and somehow she associated that I might have a weird obsession over her. She never talked to me afterwards and I couldn't properly explain even if I did she might ignore me. I wished her a "good game" and afterwards when the results went through, her team was declared third place. I saw the happiness in her eyes and I knew she deserved it, my group was just a last minute fill-in for people like Amanda and Kathlene who were denied by Chun from entering. Only my friend, Pua was ready for this but the fill-in's Christopher and Sandy were completely clueless. I congradulated her and she wished me well and I guess the assumption earlier dissipated with her glorious wins. Oh well.
Another two years and I would see her again but from a distance. She was wrapped in another's arms at a fancy dinner for King Mohammed VI Morocco Week at Washington Place. Somehow she got the private invitation and attended the festivities as I had to serve as a welcomer/translator for the Moroccan delegation. My seat was near enough for her and after all this time, I stubbornly went to purposely bump into her as she went to get dessert, I found myself through the crowd next to her and she instantly recognized me as the boy captain from JPO and her rival at WorldQuest. I found the courage to introduce myself almost instantly as Kevin Tangonan and she dropped her fruit. We walked to the side of the party tent in the gardens and walked for a bit. She remembered the name but after so long, slapped me, then lightly kissed the cheek where the sting hurt. It was a short while till we both walked back to hear the musicians playing and the festival commencements. I was disappointed in myself though for what she said to me was true. It was truly too long of a wait and she already has a life. The years long ago were a memory, a fond memory and a sad memory. I truly didn't know I would have been gone for far too long. That was my mistake and my first friendzone and now you know.
Most don't know that chapter in my life called "Verna" with the exception of a few close friends at Manoa Elementary. Most know a bit of the chapter in my life called "Nikki" but some don't know the true story of how that came to be. 
It started with my transfer to Ewa Beach Elementary and my new life on the west side. I haven't always been a west sider, but I had a short-lived life in the east and I found myself more open to the west, to all the brown people, aha. 
My first year continued off as my troublemaker self, I really couldn't adjust to life right away. I was always caught being a truant or openly starting rebellion as for one assembly in particular. They had awarded the state's best teacher award to Mrs. Blaire, an old Japanese lady with a bitter temperment and a shallow expression in her face, always. In other words, she was mean with a resentment to little, wild children like myself at the time. Once, she had caught me trying to rally a bunch of homeless cats in front of her room with a piece of sardine I found on the ground. She had to chase me away with a yard stick. Now, after hearing her win at the assembly. I passed it along by ear to rally rebellion amongst my class and hopefully other classes would join along to say the booing. I stood up and so did most of my class and we yelled at our highest voice the booing that boomed against the cheers of her class. Soon most of my fellow first graders joined in the hooting and soon other classes till most of the schoolkids took up their voices. Principal Hirota at the time noticed it was I who started it and took note of every person who joined in, based on pressure my own teacher was told that everyone who went against Mrs. Blaire were to go to her room and apologize for the mishap, starting with me. 
I went to her room and sat waiting on the carpet until she was ready to see me along with the countless dozens who offered their "sorry's". While I waited, I had nothing else to do but talk with her young kindergarten students. In particular, a small Japanese girl who wasn't quite shy at the time. She openly spoke about how I dissed her teacher and she laughed and said Blaire deserved it. The time came and I was barraged with hate from Blaire, a displeased complaint and a mean growl to her speech. I got the blunt of her rage and for that I had to clean her class for a year, afterschool but with no one else to talk to but the small, Japanese girl named "Nikki". She spent her days after-school with me and some of my friends who were also accused as the leaders of the "Little Rebellion" as it was known at Ewa Beach Elementary, the boldest move ever seen.
When the year came to pass, Nikki would follow me around like a stray puppy trying to find some food. That and really the school was quite small so everyone was bundled together in a tiny field for recess and I guess I was more easier to friend than others. Maybe I seemed the happiest or the most energetic in personalities? I wouldn't know, but up to the third grade she also had bullies who picked on her size and because she was a bit more priveleged economically, she had a few more dollars than the rest of us in her pocket. She was a known target for money and she was the least intimidating. I took her in like an older brother and fended her off from the bullies with previous experiences, I was also taking Judo at the time and wanted to try it out on live targets and not dummies in a studio. I broke an arm, a leg, and got bruised from shoulder to eye, bleeding from nose to ear, but hey I guess I grew up in the age of honor. There was Jackie Chan Adventures, Kikaida, and Power Rangers to buffer the manly childhood that was my own. At Ewa Beach Elementary, I would go to the nurse every week for some new problem and since she was my neighbor she felt obligated to help me every chance I got, whatever the injury. It wasn't too bad, I would say. I was reared to help anyone I saw needing help, my parents taught me that which is why they got in trouble in the motherland for helping the Aquino Faction in the revolution, hiding known rebels during Martial Law and when my father served in Vietnam for the Philippine Army as a Captain of his unit, he was known for helping the injured Vietcong soldiers and had a fondness to the P.O.W's he caught. After the war, he found himself continuing to visit Vietnam to visit the old soldiers he fought against, now his friends. He followed the protocols of the Geneva Convention and that distrust grew ever since with him, in his unit and back at home. Most people in Vietnam especially the Americans killed the prisoners, killed the wounded enemies, believing them all to be red scourges needing to be purged and not humans by right. I find myself more like my father than my mother in most things especially values, not like kids these days who don't adhere to values and live by the code of swag. On a side-note, her mother was good friends with my mother right away when she heard her daughter talk nothing but good of me, their friendship lasted as good as ours till now. Back to myself for the six years in elementary, I found myself defending any and all but mostly Nikki whenever she got herself into trouble with this or that. It was alright though, I had nothing much to do since Ewa Beach Elementary was kinda bland in terms of things to do. Rarely any fun field trips or activities and sports that sparked my interests. People were my interests, their stories and their lives, hearing them all and trying to be more socially active was what I did. With that I was elected to Secretary of Leadership Council since I heard all and I was promoted to Sergeant and then Captain in JPO after the previous one had to move. I upheld dignity and thought myself as a knight in service. The new Principal, Kobayashi was an old teacher of mine and she knew how much i changed. We would be good friends till the present, I would occasionally visit and greet her with a gift from my travels. She believed in me even after I succesfully waged a coup and wiped the popularists from the Council with my JPO military in the final semester of school. Nikki would be there too, encouraging me. I knew she viewed me a little bit more than a brother, but I didn't view her in the same light. I still held my heart for Verna after all those years. Ilima was far less affection-based, this was a year to befriend people outside of the Ewa Beach Elementary circle. I headed to befriend those from Pohakea, Kaimiloa, and Holomua, most of all. The hormones were all over the place for most of these kids, I took to the solitude of manga and chapter books in the library or cracking jokes with the loveable, old hippy librarian, Steve. There were groups spread out all over and I would find a foothold to join them whenever I can or just to challenge on my DS with Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. 
When 8th grade came along, Nikki would have freshly transferred from Ewa Beach Elementary. I didn't bother to look for her among the new arrivals by then I had already forgotten her. There was this one guy, Evan Sutherfield who tried flirting with her and she would say "no" all the time, bluntly. Irritating her to a point of frustration, she set out to find me on campus and ask for help. I met her a few times and it was brief talks, usually I disappear on-sight and just relax someplace else. The benefits of a large campus. I met this Evan Sutherfield at the Boys & Girls Club, never liked his attitude, very pessimistic and arrogant. I simply punched him in the nose with not much force. All I did was make it a bit red and slightly bleedy but not too much. This puffed up Canadian-Filipino was nothing but another filthy halfblood, it's David all over again. After that one punch, I told him I was done. I turned my back for a second and he lunged at me using his unkempt claws to latch on to my arms like a cat on a scratching post. Then he punched me in the gut with a slight hiccup of a snicker, I elbowed him in the face as he came near to me, flayed with my arms out on the ground. Slight cuts and bruises, but I wasn't done with him yet, as he was trying to touch his nose to feel for the pain, I did multiple punches onto his gut and then backhand slapped his face, finishing with a crippling kick to his legs. The scrap was after-school and at random, but the security had taken me away before I could aim for his stupid jaw. That would be my first and last greatest scrap. He probably left her alone after that and I was one of the factors that made him move to Canada. No one could really stand him, especially my cousin Sloan or my brother.
Two years pass and I'm now a sophomore. My hate for halfbloods pretty much died with that showdown, most of my good friends were halfbloods especially the Nazi, Rylan Mains. We were brothers of troll, jamming the locks on doors, causing chaos in a lesson of entrophy, flipping tables for fun, chair-mitzvah's in geometry, demanding Toy Story on a movie vote, and abusing the rifles by pointing at people during ROTC. 
One day, I was working at the Boys & Girls Club behind the front desk on the second floor. I was logging in some homework points for the kids who showed up to study time on the staff computer's. While doing that, I was also waiting for my brother and my cousins, Wilma and Dixie who were doing tutoring. When they came out of the room, a long familiar person were accompanying with them, it was Nikki Ama. I greeted the cousins and asked how it went with my brother in tutoring, but the one who was doing most of the talking was Nikki. She hasn't seen me in forever and we've been talking like we met yesterday. Over time, we got to know each other through Facebook and meeting up for some lunch. Her father had taken his own life, the year before. No one really knows why, by then her family was suffering economic hardships too and all of her siblings after graduating at a Mainland university went straight to working at McDonald's or Long's Drugs. 
The closest thing to a father figure she had was me, which is why she calls me "papa". Not because it was a weird fetish or anything as some people misconscrue, but a symbolic meaning. I'm proud of her accomplishments, from being an exceptional artist to surviving the hardships of high school without me. Though in my heart, I didn't love her at the time nor do I share the same love I bore for Verna. 
By this time, she had some feelings developed for my friend, Andrew but Andrew didn't reiterate those feelings. Nothing happened at all in that relationship. Isaiah came into the picture and at the time we were friends, I'm pretty sure Isaiah would probably take the initiative and start a relationship with her. Of course, she came to me about Isaiah's attempts to sexualize with her. She had no interest at all with Isaiah, she messed around with his feelings and pretty much taunted him. Of course, Rylan, Randall, and I came into the picture and trolled Isaiah hard. We pretty much ruined his high school experience and stopped him from ever getting sex. We were the bullies to him, I sometimes regret taking that stance against Isaiah. Then again, weigh it all down and Isaiah is a pretentious douchebag moreso than Rylan's arrogance. He's also black, so it's a given that we'd have to put him in his right place- in the mud. Yeah, we were just as much scumbag as him but we got popular support for it. No one really liked him, except the League of Legend nerds. By the end of Junior year, he gave up all attempts at wooing her. I recall one day, Nikki needed help with her driver's test and Isaiah volunteered to help as I was out of town at a convention for student leaders. Coming home early, I passed by Geiger Park and encountered Isaiah about to kiss her, I laughed to myself when before that even happened, she punched him in the groin and walked off like a boss. I guess she's more independent than I thought. Isaiah also attempted to try sexually getting her, of course this failed because we were always with her in a security escort around campus and during the summer, we went around the island almost everyday so he never got the chance to interact with her. He got so upset, he contemplated suicide or threatened to kill her with us, every single person who I sent to watch him and protect her at all times.
After that incident, I decide to slump back and find a new hobby. I was a socially manueverable person so leadership once again. I took up the mantle as a Representative in Student Association, that failed instantly as soon as I saw the inner workings of corruption taking place. I had a role as President and Secretary for a few years atthe Boys & Girl's Club Leadership Council and I headed as one of the community journalists for the Action on the Plains and the Hale Pono Newspaper. I served some time being the advisor to many president's at Campbell for a dozen clubs I was in. Appointed member of the National Honor Society for some time, was the workshop man in Saber Media, a leading member and one of the initial members of PAAC, a junior editor on the Ewa Naupaka briefly, and many other things. My calling was something out of the blue, after succesfully completing Mandarin Chinese as a language, I had an interest in Chinese (specifically Asian cultures) plus with the state of decay I saw in this club, I thought maybe I can reform and bring about great glory to this organization, the Chinese Culture Club. Over the course of my one year term, I did most of what I hoped to accomplish. It was also the basis of my Senior Project, but in reality I cared more for this club than any other president would take their club as a passing fancy. I mean who could say that they met the Dalai Lama, Anuhea, and Jack Johnson personally back-stage, it was because of my planning, the largest school in the state got front row seats to the once in a lifetime spectacle. Or to meet a talented star from an age long gone, who performed for Kim Jong-Il inside the Hermit Kingdom (Yan Jing). How did this one club rise from practically nothing, when the treasury was a few hundred dollars and the money triple, maybe became quadruple fold to about a thousand dollars. I pulled off a lot of things, made a lot of enemies, but loved what I did. While this was happening, Nikki had brief relationships with Zach and Alec, both didn't last long due to the fact that they tried their perversion only to be met with a slap and a prompt ignore. I was to busy swimming in my success from New York City to Seattle to San Francisco to places as far off as China, the Philippines, and Morocco. In reality, I'm not a good swimmer, a terrible analogy. Senior year was hella chaotic with deadlines fast approaching from my AP/IB hybrid classes (the only option is now full-AP or full-IB, not both). It was an ease for the most part, then there was Senior Project, workshops, and AVID things. As long as I kept rolling in the scholarships and acceptances, I was on my way out of this heat-inducing school. 
We continued talking though less frequently, as I went to University of Washington for a semester before switching back to the islands and making home at the Ohia Hotel plus Hawaii Pacific University. On my return back, Isaiah was still chancing on having revenge, I can sense it, everytime I meet with him. My new job as Assistant Director of Study Abroad at HPU was a stroke of good fortune, so I wouldn't always be on island. I would be busy attending symposiums in Maui or the Big Island, sometimes out of state, with one or two out of country events for a few days/nights. I would hold back on promising to visit her because I had a feeling it might result in something with her hormones. I did promise to meet with her after I finished my first year in college, that would be Graduation Night. Ever since then, our summer outings have been quite plentiful. We would go watch movies, almost every weekend. If not, it was the beach or a morning jog or just a serene walk around the park, sometimes we would fly kites. This was the most I've ever done with someone. I realize only then, this must be the void after being rejected by Verna for all the years lost. Now, I'm making it up with Nikki. A few weeks later after spending time cooking together, watching Netflix, and abusing her pet bunnies- we had sex. Yeah, I invited her over to my house for movies since she invited me a lot to her house and to meet her mom and sisters. She took advantage of the emptiness of the place due to my parent's trips to the Philippines and my siblings off traveling with relatives. On the couch, in the bathroom, on my bed mostly. Showered together, lived together, goddamnit. I started developing feelings since the beginning of the summer, now feelings came to actions and actions came to sex. I mean mostly it's just hugging or kissing, but since both of us have a multitude of enemies, our relationship would be secretive even to our own friends. We can't plainly express it in the public eye. I have a life and now she does too since high school is over, reputation and professionalism comes first, my mentality. The feeling is mutual, she has work now and instead of going to college right away, a year off to take care of her ailing grandmother in town. We spent most of our evenings in romantic settings from Carnival to Italian Restaurants to her kissey-kissey movies. Is this a real relationship? Down to the point, it's her who wants the sex, I actually like it (knowing that I took her maidenhood) but I don't ask for it. It's been a few months since our secretive, complicated relationship started. Only now did I decide to change my relationship status on Facebook but not naming her due to privacy. Like Verna, I bought her a necklace and other things, she wears it always and again I feel relieved by it. In exchange, she gives me her companionship whenever possible and a warm embrace. I think like me, she's been waiting since elementary for my acceptance of her as more than a friend, she waited. I waited, I got denied. I guess it works differently within genders. The male can't wait, the female can. I guess this will makedo, now my feels are pouring out. I hope this relationship proves fruitful.
The complicated part, my family believes in the old customs of the arranged marriage to a prominent daughter of a classy family in the Philippine aristocracy. They've invested so much in this effort to bring us back closer to the motherland, we would be millionaires upon arrival with all the money saved up. I've already promised a betrothal to an heiress of a corporation, an off-shoot of the mighty Cojuangco clan.