why? because i party and u dont ;) for ur information i get a lot of pussy. more then you could ever think of HAHAHAA ;) so before you downvote me make sure you know who you are talking too ;) because they might be better then you at some stuff like getting pussy and head. I got to go my girlfriend is calling right now she wants to know if i want to have sex with her ;) i bet you dont even have a girlfriend pussy ;) i bet you have a boyfriend or something ;) HAHA well toodaloo and guess what teenagers sex isnt hard to get.. you just got to try hard enough and you will get sex. sex is amazing pce pussy ;) ------ What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. ------ hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!! love and waffles, t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m ------ I'm not sure if you're trolling or just have no idea who I am, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. In addition to almost 7 years as a confessed meme addict, I have moderated the largest meme forum on the Internet (at over 2 million subscribers) for over a year. You think I don't know memes? In that time I have removed over 400posts for not following subreddit guidelines. In addition to my moderation responsibilities I am one of the most active writers on knowyourmeme.com. You think I don't know memes? Then how do I write articles about them on a site called knowyourmeme? Several mainstream blogs have contacted me to ask about the recent meme phenomenon and each has been thankful and enlightened with what I had to tell them. It's not just limited to blogs though. Several companies have asked me to review their meme ads to avoid a failure like Toyota's meme commercial. Just last week a major food company contacted me with a paid offer to help them on a new ad campaign. I declined when I researched the company and saw that they had contributed money to socially conservative groups. It's safe to say that I am one of the world's foremost experts on memes and in fact there is no one I can think of that has a meme resume as impressive as mine. So please tell me, what are your qualifications to say that I don't know what a meme is? ------ What the hecky doodle did you just hecking say about me, you little doodle? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my trolling classes, and I’ve been involved in numerous page raids, and I have over 300 confirmed troles. I am trained in hecky trolefare and I’m the top meme maker in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the hecky doodle out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my hecking doodles. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, doodle. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of trolls across the USA and your IP is being traced right now (127.0.0.1, in case you think I'm bluffing) so you better prepare for the storm lol ;P. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your hecky doodle. You’re hecking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can troll you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare doodle. Not only am I extensively trained in unhecked doodling, but I have access to the entire arsenal of memes and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable doodle off the face of the continent, you little heck. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “dank ;p” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your meme. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you hecking doodle. I will meme fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re hecking dead, doodle. ------ wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked 300 candy bars from tha corner store. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil dickhead w/ a hot mum & fake bling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper rumble. tha rumble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. my homeboys be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o’ newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a’ kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yer a stewpid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur in proper mess ya knobhead. ------ To the person who has already downvoted my post, you must be the most shitty, lonely, pitiful piece of shit on this planet. You could've looked at the shitty meme, thought it was shitty, because it is, and you could've let it go. Oh, but that wouldn't be enough, would it? You had to express your dubiousness towards it via physically aiming for the downvote icon, and clicking, using muscles in your judgemental hand of justice. What do you do all day? Do you just browse reddit with such a negative mindset that you have to actually downvote everything that doesn't make you skeet? "This skeet post didn't make me skeet. Only I make me skeet. Everything must know it sucks, so I shall downvote the non-make-me-skeet-ers." That's you. Go die. I don't care how, just die. ------ To the person who has already unliked my page, you must be the most shitty, lonely, pitiful piece of shit on this planet. You could've looked at the shitty page, thought it was shitty, because it is, and you could've let it go. Oh, but that wouldn't be enough, would it? You had to express your dubiousness towards it via physically aiming for the unlike button, and clicking, using muscles in your judgemental hand of justice. What do you do all day? Do you just browse facebook with such a negative mindset that you have to actually unlike every page that doesn't make you skeet? "This skeet page didn't make me skeet. Only I make me skeet. Everything must know it sucks, so I shall unlike the non-make-me-skeet-ers." That's you. Go die. I don't care how, just die. ------ hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up God Delusion my name is kris but u can call me t3h ChAmPiOn oF l0gic!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very logical!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet logical ppl like me _... im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch Carl Sagan's Cosmos w/ my boyfriend (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it, fundie) its our favorite PBS series!!! bcuz its SOOOO logical!!!! hes an atheist 2 of course but i want 2 meet more atheist ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! STRAW MAN!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein logical again _^ hehe...toodles!!!!! narwhals and bacon, ~t3h ChAmPiOn oF l0gic~ ------ Let me preface this by saying that I’ve been a memer since they first appeared on 4chan circa 2006 (ages ago in internet time). I remember refreshing /b/ all afternoon with the hope that someone would make a new meme. I was a memer back when Advice Dog was the only one and I still upvote every Advice Dog meme I see becasue of the fond rush of nostalgia it brings me. Nowadays, there are many thousand on quickmeme and other meme websites. I was a memer back before memegenerator was created (the first meme website) and I had to make them with MS Powerpoint or Paint. Speaking of meme websites, I was one of the first submitters to memebase.com and still have one of the top accounts there despite having migrated to reddit nearly 2 years ago. It was on 4chan and memebase where I cut my teeth creating memes, way before I had a reddit account and way before /r/adviceanimals was created in late 2010. Back before I could get any sort of points or even username recognition, I was creating memes as a clever and easily digestible way to reflect on society, relate some story to my audience, or just be funny. Do you remember rich raven? No? I do. You probably don’t remember depression dog, crazy girlfriend praying mantis, introspective pug, or friendzone Johnny either. I remember all of them. In fact, you have only submitted two posts to adviceanimals garnering a total of just 4 points and have not commented there any time recently. So please, respect my judgement regarding the direction of the subreddit and the integrity of posts I have held dear to my heart for nearly 7 years but you have no strong feelings for. ------ Takes a real lack of balls to get on the computer and belittle someone for the purpose of just being an asshole and act like you've just stated an opinion. "Keep your stupid fucking opinion to yourself". Ever heard of that one? You've got the right to an opinion but ive got the right to knock you in your fucking teeth if i disagree. Now sit the fuck down and stop acting like a hot shot because your a little fucking man.. No one needs to hear your ignorance.. And once you're told to sit the fuck down you try and act clever. You're playing a game you cant win because there is always a bigger bull that wont deal with the bullshit you spew. You're a fucking joke plain and simple.. Now ill get over it and stop. Fucking child.. We're seniors - 17 and 18 and you're on here making status's much like those a 12 year old would make. Now grow the fuck up because you look like a fool. ------ "ppl who r mean r like sandpaper yes they might give you scratches and bruises but in the end you'll come out smooth and polished and that sandpaper well it's gonna b worn out" or in terms that will make it easier the fans will tell u to get out of ur relationship but if u learn to ignore it they will get tired of tweeting u and stuff to breakup with her. So ur fans will accept it only if they know the one you've been going out with is a descent woman. r u with me? And could someone please show luke this or send it to him any one PLEASE!!!!!•_• ------ BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been? In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol.. I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe... we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt.. I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i get there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arent married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there.. do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out....like i said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol.. ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room... if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUST U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move.. also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana ------ ATTENTION ALL REDDITORS! On Friday, September 13, 2013, place a banana on the hood of your car. This will allow you to see how many fellow redditors are out there! Please repost and upvote for visibility! ------ I don't give a fuck how tough you are, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I'll fucking show up at your house when you aren't at home. I'll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. I'll turn your air conditioning on high and open all the windows. I'll turn your cable box on and order 20 pay per view channels at once, and I'll pick up your phone and dial a pay-per-minute sex line in Japan. I'm going to run your utility bills up so fucking high that you can't pay them. You're going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you'll have a fucking heart attack. You'll go to the hospital for heart operation, and the last thing you'll see when you're being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed up like a doctor. When you wake up after the operation, you'll be scared for your fucking life, wondering what I did to you while you were being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You'll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of that hospital to go home, I'll run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere and kill you. ------ Fabian, it's not that MLP is "gay" it's the fans are either decent "yeah, we like it, you don't have to or you can, your choice really we'll love and tolerate it like bronies & pegasisters shall." or "YOU DON'T LIKE MLP?!?!?!?! GTFO FGT KILL YOURSELF MLP FOR LIKE" so, yeah, that, minority of the fanbase seem to have a louder voice too which is unforetunate and it ruins the fanbase for it, so it's not "gay" just some of the fans need to put the internet down for a bit ------ It's always been a fantasy of mine to be a sex slave for 2 atheists, both male, pleasing one when the other is tired, and vice versa. Slowly sliding my lips up and down his thick shaft, tasting his pre-cum on my tongue. Once he's had enough of that, he rolls over onto his back, lifting me up as though I weighed nothing. Gently placing me on his cock, I guide him in, feeling him stretch me wide open. I moan with pleasure, feeling him fill me up. He grunts softly, I feel it rumble deep in his chest, vibrating all the way down his body and through mine. He continues to lift me up and then pull me down. He's doing all the work for me, it feels so good, the warmth of the neckbeard, his hands either side of my waist. He is in total control, I'm just nothing compared to his vast size, but I have total trust in him, I know he won't hurt me. I feel the pace quicken, almost imperceptibly. I slowly stroke myself, feeling myself nearing the point of no return coming closer with every stroke. I can hear the fat slapping louder now; he speeds up even more, forcing me further and further down onto his thick cock. If it wasn't for the fact I my body is releasing so many endorphines, I would probably be screaming in agony. Except I am panting and whining, just like a bitch, begging her mate to fill her up. His hands dig in deeper, the pain, its excsquisite. It sends me over the edge. My head goes back, I let out a short grunt, I feel my cock explode, covering his chest fur in my seed. I keep stroking, it looks as though I'm trying to rip my cock out. I let out another grunt, another torrent flows forth, then another and another. A drop lands on the neckbeards nose. He seems confused for a moment. That's what I think. He digs his hands in even harder now and slams me onto his cock, I feel his grumble turn into a roar. He's cumming, oh my god. I can feel in, filling me up. It's undescribable. He's mating with me, he's claimed me. I feel him slow, his cock still throbbing within me, it seems as though there's no more room for his cum. It's dripping out of me, onto his fur. I reach down, and then bring my hand up, tasting him. It's more than I ever expected. It's heaven. ------ Listen, sex doesnt matter to me. I dont care about sex. You know whats better than sex? using your mind.. then sex will come to you. I have mastered science at a very young age. Likely due to my atheism. When I was 7 my dad brought me to church and I said "dad this is stupid and fake" I was a natural born atheist. I didnt need reddit to convince me. I'm smarter than everyone on this site. I learned that science is more important. I take college level science classes and im only 13. I am basically a genius for my age group. Because of my many sciences I have met many college girls while taking classes. They are impressed by my knowledge and usually take me to college parties. I dont drink so I usually go hangout and read a book. This one time a girl brought me up to a room to show me her bed or something? and we ended up having sex. I felt her vagina in all. So a movie to describe my sex life? The Conjuring. because I conjure up pussy all day long. ------ Marijuana is harmless. It's completely natural. Whenever you inhale weed, your lungs fill with the soul of Carl Sagan, which causes your cancer to completely dissolve. Smoking cigarettes damages lungs, however, smoking weed cures your cancer immediately without any negative side effects. The reason why marijuana is banned is because it cures cancer and big biz doesn't want that shit. It's okay to drive while high, because you only drive slower, which is only illegal on the highway (most people just wanna go to Walmart and get some munchies anyway, they aren't hurting anyone). Driving slower is a lot safer, plus the driver is paranoid and will go very slow to avoid accidents and cops. You also can't overdose on marijuana or hallucinate with it. Marijuana is completely safe and won't hurt your brain at all. All it does is give you a feeling of euphoria, in this moment. People should smoke weed everyday and no one should not smoke weed everyday. We should legalize weed and make it to where everyone can smoke whenever they want and do whatever they want. ------ To be fair, I did nazi that coming. I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. This stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a fag, 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. I have the weirdest boner right now, so I'll be in my bunk with dat ass. Oh, you! ...now KISS!!! I know you should never stick your dick in crazy, but DM;HS. ...this kills the redditor. OP will surely deliver. In the meantime, I'll show myself out. Directed by M. Night Shamallama. As long as the 'fad' for plagiarising other peoples' witty comments doesn't die out, I guess I'm cool. *edit: I accidentally a word /thread ------ I've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a man, it is not pretty. I wasn't a part of it but when I was 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover porn and jacking off. Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, sht like that with him. Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands, one kid also did it in his shoes. So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of a kid. When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment, worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the jizz shoes and also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out. ------ OH MY FRICKIN' FRICK. YOU ARE A FRICKIN' PIECE OF TRASH. MY VIDEOS AREN'T STAGED. OTHERWISE, MY VIDEOS WOULD BE LAME AND NOT MY ACTUAL THOUGHTS. IF IT WERE STAGED, THEN I WOULDN'T? BE TELLING YOU GUYS TO FRICK OFF OF NINTENDO. YOU ARE JEALOUS OF ME AND WANT TO MAKE LIES ABOUT MY VIDEOS TO MAKE ME SOUND BAD. MY OPINIONS ARE REAL, THEY'RE GOOD OPINIONS, AND BETTER THAN YOUR MICROSONY FANFRICK OPINIONS. FRICK OFF, FRICK. I HATE YOU AND I HATE ALL THESE TROLLS. ------ What the frick did you just fricking say about me, you little frick? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Game reviewing, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Sonic haters, and I have over 300 confirmed fans. I am trained in high pitched squealing and I’m the #1 Sonic fan in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another frick. I will wipe you the frick out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fricking words. You think you can get away with saying that fricking stuff to me over the Internet? Think again, fricker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Sonic fans across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, frickface. The storm that wipes out the pathetic fricking thing you call your life. You’re fricking dead, frick. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can force you to like the things I like in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare fricking hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed youtubing, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Nintendo games and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable frick off the face of the continent, you little frick. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “fricking” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fricking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you frickdamn idiot. I will frick fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fricking dead, fricko.