So I got up this morning tired as fuck. I woke up to my gay ass Mario alarm clock playing the Mario theme so fucking loudly it sounded like Justin Beiber fucking a horse in the ass and beyond. I grabbed my alarm clock aka neglected 3DS and turned down the sound. Fucking bitch alarm clock. So then I slowly fell back asleep even though I had to get ready for school. I had the weirdest dream while doing so. It was pretty scary and had E.T. in it, and I’m not even lying. I’d rather not go in depth. Anyway, I woke up and finally went out into the living room. No fucking mocha coffee in the fridge. So I drank tea. Fucking tea. Golden Peak Sweetened Tea. It was nas-tea. Get it, a pun/That’s So Raven reference all in one. Fucking applaud me for it. Anyway, after drinking the tea I had some horrid breakfast - toast. Then, I went to the bathroom and took a decent shit. After that I brushed my teeth and took a shower. After that was done, I went back into the living room only to have my grandma bitch at me about how I’m late to school. So after telling her she sounds like a goddamn broken record like the douchenozzle I am, I filled up my Kermit the Frog water bottle with pleb faucet water and began to head out the door. “SHIT, I FORGOT MY GUITAR,” I said in my head as I remembered I had Guitar practice today. Anyway I eventually got to school and I had to write some gay essay about how science raped superstition in the ass or something during History. So I did that. My essay probably sucked but I turned it in anyway. Then came English, which is where my day TRULY got eventful. So yeah I was sitting on the floor doing my work and then I said something to my friend Jaash and he misheard me. He thought I said “helorcopting” or something. I asked him what the fuck that meant and he told me it’s when someone takes their dick and whips it around like a helicopter. So I had the image of that in my head while I went into denial whether I had a boner or not. I was intrigued. “How long does it have to be to do it?” I asked him. He told me it could be any size, flaccid or hard. I knew I had to to do this shit. So I got up and walked over to the teacher. I asked to go the bathroom and got the okay to do so. So I went in there. Sadly, helicopting or whatever was fucking painful as soon as I tried. I grabbed my dick and tried twirling it until I heard a large snap sound. I looked down. It fucking ripped and the end half was about to fall off. I felt a surge of pain and fear and started screaming so loud as I banged my head against the wall and swore. The asian principal knocked on the door. “Fag-san, are you okay?” he asked me. I let out a quick whimper. “Yes!” I said over the door. He walked off. I slipped the broken half of my dick into my pocket and left the bathroom as if nothing had ever happened. If anyone were to ask, I’d tell them the blood in the bathroom was from the bitch I sat next to’s period. I was in that bathroom for all of English, so when I got out I went to science. I just sat on the floor and did work. I felt a rumble in my pants. I was confused, since I left my vibrator at home. Then I realized the vibration was from a text. My friend Mett sent me a text. “Sitting in the fag’s corner,” the text said. I giggled like a faggot and waved. “Yeah, I am,” I replied. I didn’t get a reply. Then came math. Math was gay and the spot where my dick used to be hurt a lot. I brushed it off and pulled through though. So then came lunch. I ate a sandwich and drinked me some Mello Yello. It burned on the way down and leaked out of my crotch where my dick used to be. After lunch, I did my first elective - some shit-tier testing thing, then I went on to my guitar lessons thingamajig. I suck at guitar and I can’t play at all and one of my strings is broken why am I even trying fuck this fucked up fucking gay as fucker shit. The teacher said I did well though. That nigga don’t know shit. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, that sums up the day, I guess. I’ll tell more about my eventful as fuck life tomorrow.