I guess I needed a punch to realize these things fully.

In short: You're right. I want to argue with your thoughts on regretting your decision though. I can understand the regret, the sorrow, the possible contempt, anything that basically says "this failed, should I have to deal with this?".



I still consider you a close friend to me and I don't want that to change. I would say this over and over, I have no reason not to whenever I see the need. I'm not ignoring your words and in truth, you're right on several things anyways.

I got tired about seeing the reality in things, I made the stupid mistake trying to change how I saw mine.

I definitely went too far ahead with trying to plan anything, I didn't stop to think if I could or even a worse case scenario to the whole plan.

I have to live with where I am and what I'm doing anyways, I shouldn't need to argue that anymore.

Especially not with the practically eternal reminder on skype that any attempt otherwise (for the next several years at least) will fail.



I may seem different because I lost my past experiences but in truth, I don't think I'm able to arguing that for much longer.

I wanted to say I'm "happy" with how things are now from what I understand as "out of sight, out of mind".

I was scarred for life; I thought I could ignore all of that but thinking now, 1 month later, I shouldn't have tried to and it sure doesn't look like I can.

I'm dead wrong trying to make myself into whatever I may have had in mind, at least in a mental or emotional regard. I guess I really did live too long to change that.

I'm not sure on this last one but I also need to stop punching myself in the face for every horrible mistake like this even though I can understand so much from them anyways.

I don't know if I said this before the amnesia, I just know I certainly didn't have the will to admit it.

I'm really sorry you had to see all of this and experience it yourself. I owe you more than I could even mention just from that. Twice more for everything you've helped me with in the past.




I can't forgive myself for this, I have to understand you may not either. I would sooner come to terms with it than regret it.